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    Hummusapien Β» Recipes Β» Drinks Β» Midnight Mocha Smoothie

    Midnight Mocha Smoothie

    Published Sep 14, 2015 Β· Modified Nov 8, 2021 Β· by Alexis Joseph Β· 12 Comments

    Jump to Recipe

    Hi. I'm Cambridge. I work at Alchemy and Alexis is my boss. She asked me months ago to write a blog post telling you all what it like on the other end of it all. I agreed back then, but only now does it feel right to post this.

    Midnight Mocha Smoothie-- A unexpectedly delicious superfood-packed smoothie with grapes, blueberries, coffee beans, spirulina, and raw cacao. Perfect for a quick, nutrient-dense breakfast!

    ...Because she's going out of town. And I'll have a head-start at skipping town before she gets back.

    Quick summary on me. I'm a certified yoga teacher currently searching for my tribe who trusts that their practice can only be improved with sludge metal growling in the background.

    I used to be a mortician. Yis. Fer rill. Creeping out strangers with terrifyingly accurate anatomical knowledge since 2011. I also have a cat named Dirt Bike and I love him. He is my golden prince. My trashbaby. My little sunny-side-up breakfast platter. I talk about him too much and will never stop because he is perfect.

    Anything else important you'd need to know about me is on my Tinder profile.

    Okay. So. What's it like to work at Alchemy? Well, under our current regime of Alexis Joseph, it sort of adds a North Korean-dictatorship-quality to your day: weep uncontrollably on the inside but never show weakness to Great Leader under threat of punishment. Do you know why "salt" is on the list of ingredients in the chocolate avocado pudding? It's secretly tears.

    Midnight Mocha Smoothie-- A unexpectedly delicious superfood-packed smoothie with grapes, blueberries, coffee beans, spirulina, and raw cacao. Perfect for a quick, nutrient-dense breakfast!

    Alchemy is successful because of three things: regular blood sacrifices to minor demons, the Cthulian occultists who live in the janitorial closet and whisper prayers to the Drowned God, and our staff's patience with the many creative mispronunciations of the word "cacao." I do have to say, though, that I appreciate that the ritual whippings are scheduled ahead of time so that I can plan my day around them; and the whispered prayers aren't so annoying once you learn to follow along: "In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."

    In all seriousness, I've worked a lot of different jobs and Alchemy is my actual favorite. I work with and for some of the raddest humans on the planet! I mean, I just compared my boss to Kim Jong Un and not only did she not fire me, she published it on her blog! (And when I sent her the draft of that particular paragraph, she replied with FOUR cry-laughing emojis!)

    This is the first job I've had where I am encouraged to be my REAL self! The weirdness that I bring to the table is embraced and that unconditional love allows me to let go and get creative. This leads me to the main point of my post today, which is to give y'all a smoothie recipe born of that weirdness.

    Midnight Mocha Smoothie-- A unexpectedly delicious superfood-packed smoothie with grapes, blueberries, coffee beans, spirulina, and raw cacao. Perfect for a quick, nutrient-dense breakfast!

    Now for a little backstory. One day, we were discussing what our spirit animals were and I said mine was a crow. Crows are traditionally seen as a fearsome omen, the harbinger of death clad in black. In reality, crows are incredibly intelligent animals that possess certain abilities (such as complicated tool-usage) that were once thought only to be available to humans and other higher-ape species.

    And yes, in some folklore crows are depicted as fools, thieves, and demons but in others, Crow is a wise trickster who is a friend of Death. And what are crows usually doing when you notice them? They're laughing! They are called terrible names, they scavenge to survive, they see Death... and they laugh.

    So now I present to you a smoothie invented to satisfy your inner trickster. It's filling, caffeinated, packed with loads of good nutrients, and is probably the only black smoothie you've ever seen. Regarding the protein powder in this recipe, we love Healthy Skoop vanilla brown rice protein.

    Midnight Mocha Smoothie-- A unexpectedly delicious superfood-packed smoothie with grapes, blueberries, coffee beans, spirulina, and raw cacao. Perfect for a quick, nutrient-dense breakfast!

    For blog purposes, we renamed this smoothie from The Crow (its name at Alchemy) to Midnight Mocha Smoothie. But we all know The Crow is where it’s at.

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    Midnight Mocha Smoothie

    • Author: Alexis Joseph, MS, RD, LD
    • Prep Time: 5 mins
    • Total Time: 5 mins
    • Yield: 1 1x
    Print Recipe
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    Description

    A unexpectedly delicious superfood-packed smoothie with grapes, blueberries, coffee beans, spirulina, and raw cacao. Perfect for a quick, nutrient-dense breakfast!


    Ingredients

    Scale
    • 1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk
    • ½ cup frozen blueberries
    • ½ cup frozen grapes
    • 1 scoop vanilla brown rice protein powder (add sweetener of choice if omitting this)
    • 1 tbsp cacao powder
    • 1 tbsp whole coffee beans
    • 1 tsp spirulina*

    Instructions

    1. Combine all ingredients in a high-speed blender until smooth (I use my Nutribullet). There will be some texture from the coffee beans--that's a good thing!

    Did you make this recipe?

    Tag @hummusapien on Instagram. I love sharing what you make!

    And there you have it! A smoothie that would make Jon Snow proud. If he's even still alive.

    Thank you so much for letting me interrupt your regularly-scheduled food blog with my really awful macabre humor! I hope the smoothie makes it worth it, at least.

    And a huge thank you to Alexis and the rest of my Alchemy family for making me feel so welcome. If you're ever in Columbus, Ohio, stop by and I'll make a Crow for you and we can talk about how rad Dirt Bike is! And maybe, if we're both lucky, we will both have swiped right on each other. But just remember…

    IMG_2832

    [Tweet "Drink your superfoods! Midnight Breakfast Smoothie via @TheHummusapien"]

    Midnight Mocha Smoothie-- A unexpectedly delicious superfood-packed smoothie with grapes, blueberries, coffee beans, spirulina, and raw cacao. Perfect for a quick, nutrient-dense breakfast!

    About Alexis Joseph

    Oh HEY there! I'm Alexis Joseph, food writer, blogger, Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN), new mama, and co-founder of local restaurant group, Alchemy. I use my passion for cooking and wellness as fuel to help others ignite a more freeing and happy relationship with food. Learn more about Alexis!

    5 Secrets to Delish, Healthy Lunches

    Reader Interactions

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      Recipe rating ★☆ ★☆ ★☆ ★☆ ★☆

    1. Chelsy says

      June 09, 2016 at 6:34 pm

      Sooo what is your advice on maca during pregnancy? Basically I just get proceed with caution from most sites.
      Thanks!

      Reply
    2. Chelsy says

      June 09, 2016 at 6:34 pm

      Sooo what is your advice on maca during pregnancy? Basically I just get proceed with caution from most sites.
      Thanks!

      Reply
    3. Chelsea @ NibbleonNutrition says

      September 19, 2015 at 11:39 am

      I wish I still lived in Columbus so I could check out this fabulous place! It is definitely on my list of stops if I every make it back there!

      Reply
      • Alexis says

        September 21, 2015 at 12:08 am

        Be sure to pop in when you visit! We'd love to have you πŸ™‚

        Reply
    4. Chelsea @ NibbleonNutrition says

      September 19, 2015 at 11:39 am

      I wish I still lived in Columbus so I could check out this fabulous place! It is definitely on my list of stops if I every make it back there!

      Reply
      • Alexis says

        September 21, 2015 at 12:08 am

        Be sure to pop in when you visit! We'd love to have you πŸ™‚

        Reply
    5. Jenni says

      September 15, 2015 at 10:12 am

      Hello & Welcome, Creative Cambridge! You are deliciously delightful -- (and that's the end of my alliterations). I am not near as witty as any of youz guyz but I love to come across people who are unabashedly authentic and lovely to boot. πŸ™‚ Thank you for the new smoothie -- I have ALL of those ingredients and shall make one pronto!!! πŸ™‚ Love from South Florida!!!

      Reply
    6. Jenni says

      September 15, 2015 at 10:12 am

      Hello & Welcome, Creative Cambridge! You are deliciously delightful -- (and that's the end of my alliterations). I am not near as witty as any of youz guyz but I love to come across people who are unabashedly authentic and lovely to boot. πŸ™‚ Thank you for the new smoothie -- I have ALL of those ingredients and shall make one pronto!!! πŸ™‚ Love from South Florida!!!

      Reply
    7. Julia says

      September 14, 2015 at 10:24 am

      Bahahaha! Nice to meet you, Cambridge! This has got to be on my Top 5 favorite blog posts I've read. I wish I worked with the two of you ladies. You make like Fuh-uhn-ny! I want this smoothie in my face right now...can't wait until midnight....sorry, not sorry πŸ˜‰

      Reply
    8. Julia says

      September 14, 2015 at 10:24 am

      Bahahaha! Nice to meet you, Cambridge! This has got to be on my Top 5 favorite blog posts I've read. I wish I worked with the two of you ladies. You make like Fuh-uhn-ny! I want this smoothie in my face right now...can't wait until midnight....sorry, not sorry πŸ˜‰

      Reply
    9. Martha says

      September 14, 2015 at 9:22 am

      Um, I think I need more Cambridge in my life -- weekly guest posts, y/y? So cool!

      Reply
    10. Martha says

      September 14, 2015 at 9:22 am

      Um, I think I need more Cambridge in my life -- weekly guest posts, y/y? So cool!

      Reply

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    Well HELLO there, pal! I'm Alexis. Welcome to Hummusapien, a fantastical food blog brimming with nourishing (always delish!) recipes from a Registered Dietitian plus life tidbits to inspire you to live your most joyful, balanced life. Grab a super hot cup o' joe and let's get cookin'.

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