Hummusapien

Confessions of a Dietitian

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I’m conflicted.

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I needed to write this post for myself, for my clients, for my friends, and for anyone and everyone living in a world where disordered eating is commonplace.

Lately I’m feeling kind of confused about my philosophy and I want to tell you why. As I wrote this post in the notes section of my phone on a plane to DC deep in thought over Intuitive Eating, I realized something. I realized I’ve always taken for granted the fact that I’ve never suffered from disordered eating.

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I was surrounded by it growing up. It was everywhere. It was normal. It still is.

I knew young women that threw up after meals and ate non-fat Greek yogurt with stevia for lunch. I knew parents that never had the “good” snacks, that restricted food. As a teenager, I can say with confidence that at least half of my friends had less than normal relationships with food.

So how did I land on the other side? I’ve always said I loved food long before I loved nutrition. My mom always found it funny (and even strange at times) how excited I got over different flavors and textures. I’d say all parents play a critical role in shaping their children’s ability to see food the way they do—as reward, as punishment, as fuel, as fun.

Growing up, my mom was “super mom.” I won’t get into details, but the things she has dealt with in life both before and after motherhood would have broken a lot of people. Nonetheless, growing up she cooked almost every night and baked most nights. Apple cake, cream cheese cookies, and banana bread were routine. To this day, the smell of Thanksgiving is one of my favorite smells in the world.

She bought organic whole grain cereal and Apple Jack’s. Cheese Nips occasionally and Amy’s most of the time. For breakfast, she’d offer me challah French toast, a bagel, eggs, or cereal. Basically the whole kitchen. She always asked if I wanted fruit but never did she force anything upon me.

My siblings and I have always been “normal” weights with fluctuations here and there. We saw food as something that brought our family together, something to look forward to. We had plenty of anxiety, but none of it stemmed from food. I can’t remember one time that I associated food with something negative. I was definitely encouraged to eat more fruits and veggies as opposed to candy or cookies, but those things were always around if I wanted them. I was never restricted. I was never forced to clean my plate. My passion for delicious food aside, I attribute much of my healthy relationship with food to my parents.

I remember one time in fourth grade when I felt “fat.” One of my best friends was teeny tiny and pointed out my “large” jean size. I hadn’t ever looked in the mirror and felt weird about my body until she brought it to my attention. I did weigh more than some of my friends at that age but I was completely ignorant to it because parents told me every day that I was beautiful and that they loved me. They didn’t shove salad in my face or use the word “fat.” Most girls my age would’ve been self-conscious, especially in today’s society where orthorexia (the obsession with healthy eating) runs rampant amongst girls young and old.

I’m finding myself becoming more and more passionate about helping others find the joy in food again rather than focusing on weight management or eating this instead of that. I am very aware that a lot of people delve into veganism to lose weight. I wasn’t one of them. I was and still am insanely passionate about the science surrounding eating plants and their ability to reverse chronic disease. It wasn’t about calories or fat and it never will be.

I will always believe in “the more plants the merrier” mantra but I will be never the person to tell you to skip your favorite scone or sausage or pumpkin spice latte. I think our society has a TON of work to do when it comes to falling in love with food again and ditching the diet mentalities that are quite literally ruining lives. So much joy has been stripped out of eating that I’m finding myself confused.

How can I advocate plant-based diets when so many people are using them as an excuse to fuel disordered eating? My biggest fear is for readers and clients to learn my philosophy or see what I eat and feel worse about themselves. I’m finding that I’m just as much if not more passionate about promoting balance and intuitive eating over promoting plant-based diets. I’d rather help someone rediscover the joy in eating scones than teach someone how to love tofu.

I can’t tell you how angry it makes me when I see dietitians and healthy living bloggers and Instagram personalities posting their 150 calorie smoothie bowls topped with a tablespoon of paleo granola for breakfast. You’re doing your fans and readers a disservice. If you want to eat that, that’s your prerogative; but whether you have credentials or not, people look up to you for nutrition guidance and you must know that you’re setting a terribly unrealistic and demoralizing example.

So what does this mean? How does this change how I practice? I don’t really know. That’s why I’m writing about it. What I do know is that I will never use scare tactics to preach organic or non-GMO or vegan diets. I swear I will never make you feel like a worse person for not eating enough kale.

I don’t want to end this on a negative note. I just need you to know where I’m at. And it’s surely not knee-deep in a bed of greens.

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Comments

  2. Alexis, I LOVE THIS! I am so inspired by you! This post was so honest and so true and touched some very important points that so many people struggle with. Thank you for sending such a wonderful, positive, and needed message. You are the best and a true role model! <3 XOXOXO, the biggest Cherry Cheesecake Acai Bowl and Alchemy fan there ever was!

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  3. I LOVE this. I am not a dietitian, but my field is in public health and I am so passionate about promoting healthy lifestyles and eating (and I don’t mean only eating what one would consider “healthy” or “clean” food, but more of a healthy balance). I grew up the same way with food and have never struggled with disordered eating either, and I was so surprised to see how prevalent it was once I started blogging. I seriously love your authenticity and approach to food as a dietitian and blogger. Lots of love to you, lady!

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  4. This is a wonderful post, Alexis. I totally feel where you are coming from. As I learn more about nutrition and get closer to becoming an RD, I can’t help but fall more in love with plants (as if that was even possible!). That being said, I see the skewed relationship most people have with food and I want to help fix that too. It’s a tough place to be, but I totally understand your feelings. Good job for sharing :)

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  5. Thanks Alexis. I’m entering therapy for disordered eating this Saturday (ahhh!) after experiencing a relapse. It’s refreshing to read the honest words of someone who hasn’t experienced this, but is aware of it. I don’t know if that makes sense, but keep on keeping on and most of all – thank you.

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  6. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with realness and authenticity- love every point you made and you’re absolutely right. Your mom sounds like such a gem and I applaud you for sharing your heart and passion about where you’re at right now. Love!!!

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  7. As someone that came to you post eating disorder, I want to assure you that I do not look at your posts, your food, or your living style that way. You do an incredible job as a dietitian and food blogger to encourage a healthy approach to eating. I still struggle with eating. I worry about food and I worry about eating, so I have a hard time buying food. Sometimes I find myself hungry but not eating because I don’t have any food at home. You inspire me to change my outlook. You always have. You inspire me to look at whether or not I think the food tastes good and the nutritional value in it – not the calories. Keep doing what you’re doing. Those of us that struggle with eating disorders don’t look at things normally. It’s hard to predict how we will see something and react to it. While you’re vegan you so clearly show that you eat because you love eating, not to lose weight or be skinny. Keep that message. It comes across and it helps.

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    • Awww thanks, dear. That’s incredibly encouraging to here. We ALL struggle with eating and body image issues. Anyone that says they aren’t is lying! It’s helpful how you worded the last part, about people with eating disorders not seeing things normally. Thanks for your insight! Xo

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  8. Hey there….you and I are so on the same wavelength. I have
    Been mentoring women for the last 15ish years. What do they want to transform? How to get them from where they are to where they really want to be. It can be done using guilt, scare tactics and s bunch of other “trucks” to keep them coming back. But I know women flourish and fly when you show them their strengths and talents and then how to capitalize on them. Funny thing about integrity and commitment to the well being if others….it works because there’s a heart connection. All your knowledge and your amazing wit and writing style are just the icing. Your heart is the obvious foundation for all that you do. I am SO grateful for all that you are.

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  9. It is so refreshing to hear this from someone who has never struggled with disordered eating. I grew up on the other side of this: always conscious of my body, always the “bigger” girl, always on a diet. I think I started “dieting” at age 12. I always was jealous of the girls who didn’t seem to have any issues with food. Its refreshing to hear your take and that you recognize you are lucky to not have suffered from this. I love that you are advocating for better health in such a positive way!

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  10. This is exactly why I read your blog. You share a joy of food without telling me that the chemicals in my favorite hot wing sauce are going to kill me. I appreciate your positivity and delicious recipes on a daily basis. Cheers!

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  11. Amazing post! As a fellow RD, I totally agree – our society does need to fall in love with food again.

    Except if that 150 calorie smoothie bowl topped with paleo granola is the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted and makes my heart happy, you’d better believe I’m going to post it on social media… :)

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  12. I love this post so much! Unfortunately, despite growing up in a household that NEVER put any pressure or restrictions on food, I still found a way to do it to myself once I got to college. My relationship with food is much better now than it was during those four years, but it certainly isn’t perfect. I’m hoping to start a blog myself soon and I know that I need to be hyper aware of the messages I’m putting out there as it really can have such an impact on someone who is struggling with the mental side of food and eating, which is sadly far to many of us.

    I will say that bloggers like you have really helped me change my diet mentality and make me feel like it is okay, normal, and healthy to be eating more, not less and focusing on food as a positive, not a negative. This is a topic that can’t be talked about enough in the food and health blogger community, so thank you for sharing!

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  14. his. THIS is why I love you, your blog, and why I want to become an RD. I have had my own struggles with food in college (and still am, a bit), but I want people to know a healthy balance is achievable & you should never have to restrict!!
    thank you for sharing. <3

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  15. We are on the same wavelength lady!! I just read Intuitive Eating this year and it’s totally changed my mindset about healthy eating and health coaching . I’ve even looked into being an IE coach!

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  16. As a soon to be RD this topic plagues me! So many jobs in dietetic place emphasis on weight loss/weight management and that’s just not where my heart is! Thanks for sharing this posts and giving a great name to the dietetic profession.

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  19. Literally SO. MUCH. YES. You’re just confirming one of the MANY reasons why I love you and your blog so much. This could not be more truer to my heart and own thoughts, and I’m so inspired by you! Keep on rocking!

    I’m in my dietetic internship right now and I’m just so shocked by some of the people who are “professionals”in the field that I see just preaching things from a worrysome and not so thoughtful perspective… not everyone, but there’s always a few that just worry me because people will believe them because they have the credential after their name!

    Again, you totally rock! Thank you for this post!
    -Holley

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  20. Love this! Unfortunately I come from the other side – sort of – as a kid and through my early college years I never struggled with eating or exercise issues (besides being a picky eater as a kid) then was hit (so to say) with an extreme eating disorder and over exercising as a young adult (24).

    The part I resonated with the most was when you talked about other bloggers posting their meals – I can’t even begin to tell you how triggering it is to see “WIAW” or “What I eat in a day” posts. They kill me every time (I’ve now stopped reading them but sometimes you can’t avoid the pictures popping up on instagram). It is so important for people to understand that every one is unique and has different needs and desires when it comes to what they eat and they should feel no guilt for their choices

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    • Wow. Thanks for sharing your story, Candace. I wince a little bit every time I publish WIAW because I people never see the whole story–drinking all day on the weekends for football games, late night pizza, and all that other fun stuff. You nailed it when you said everyone is different. Sending love!

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  21. Love this side of your writing. So elequently stated and so true. Our society is fueling eating disorders more than ever, sadly it is becoming closer to the norm. Like you, I try to work with clients not about restriction, but teaching them that the foods they love fit in just as well. Health is so much more than what we eat, plants or no plants.

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  22. This post right here is one of the reasons why I love everything about your blog and your approach to food. Honestly, your one of the only plant based food bloggers I follow that exudes a sense of freedom when it comes to eating. Personally, I have a bad relationship with food (I’m an emotional eater) and I’m currently overweight and need to take action. Reading your blog gives me hope that I can get healthy without becoming an extremist. I hope you know that you are inspiring to so many and I love your WIAW posts! I also hope to one day make my way to Colombus and eat at Alchemy and some of the other restaurants that you mention on here. Because of you I’m hoping to have fun, enjoy food, and get healthy!!!! Please keep spreading the hummusappien goodness. I love your authenticity.

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    • Your comment made my day, Tiffany! I started this space to inspire others so to hear from a reader that I’m giving you hope makes a world of a difference. Thanks for reading, dear! XO

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  23. Alexis,

    I’ve casually followed you on FB and your website for a long while. While my diet is mostly plants and mostly whole foods, I will frankly eat jusr about anything. While I am certainly aware that you have been eating a vegan style diet, in no way did I perceive your posts as ever being judgmental. The attitude I perceived was I love food, I love what plants do for my body and I’m exploring entirely plant based meals for a while. Its not a bad thing to change up our eating template as life changes. An open mind about what is healthy and tasty is a good thing.

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    • I love your style, Doris. I do eat eggs and fish occasionally so I’m really not vegan, that’s why I say plant-based. If I want pizza, I’ll eat pizza. Loved your thoughts!

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  25. I’m with you on the scare tactics. For me, they never really worked. My mom used that on us, scaring us if we don’t finish the food on our plates. Or, if we don’t eat the broccoli. In doing so, you kinda follow their ‘rules’ when they’re there. But the first chance you get, you’re dropping all that. Not too effective.

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  26. phenomenal post – your passion, authenticity and balance are such an inspiration….as someone who has struggled with anorexia as a teen and had a recent resurgence – these messages are crucial! I SO appreciate all that you do

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  27. I really appreciate this post. You articulately detailed your thoughts. I am so glad you never struggled with disordered eating.
    My mother was very similar to yours. My older sister has the same sort of attitude towards food and weight as do you. She has never seen it as anything less than positive. I, on the other hand, have struggled with anorexia and orthorexia for nearly thrifty years. I think the messages we receive matter but I also think that, ultimately, eating disorders are biologically based and some people are “famine sensitive.” For this segment of the population, no matter the reason for the reduced caloric intake, an eating disorder will develop. Ancel Keys starvation study during the 1940’s demonstrated that even healthy individuals engage in behaviors usually attributed to those with eating disorders. these men struggled with much of the same bizarre rituals and food games. yet, for them, after the cessation of the study they returned to normal eating patterns. I think those who continue to struggle are more sensitive to diets and, in the absence of consistent adequate intake, will remain stuck in disordered eating habits.
    All to say, I appreciate your perspective and want you to know that reading your posts and seeing your food helps me realize what a normal, healthy diet and life can look like. Hope you revisit this subject because I benefit more from hearing the philosophies of those without eating disorders than those with them.

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    • Sarah, reading your comment makes me feel like I’m doing something right. It’s a wave of relief to hear that my posts have sent positive messaging. I will continue to share more posts like this–I know how much it means to people!

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  28. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! I’ve had a disordered relationship with food for such a long time, it honest-to-god shocked me to hear you say that you’d never had any issues with it growing up nor do you have any to this day. It’s such an amazing thing that I believe we should all be able to experience, but because I’ve struggled and am continuing to struggle so much, it was eye-opening to read your account of food being a source of love. Great food for thought, pun not intended haha
    Thanks for sharing, Alexis!

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  30. Alexis- this is such a thoughtful and meaningful post. I am currently doing my dietetic internship and think about what it means to be not only a health professional but a role model as well. In fact, during my internship one day – I wrote myself a 4 page email about how we influencer our readers and our clients- and ways to do it better. Thank you for sharing your perspective. <3

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  31. Hi Alexis!! Thank you so much for this post; it was incredible!! I knew I loved your blog (I make several of your recipes every week, haha), but this made me love it even more. It is so refreshing to hear this perspective, especially from a dietitian. I have had a negative relationship with food for quite some time, including a history of terrible binge eating, resulting from restricting what I was eating (counting calories like a fiend) to eating everything in sight. I have also had body image issues for a significant amount of my life, and I remember my friends commenting that I was “fat” in 4th grade (even though I wasn’t, I was just larger than other girls). It is really sad that the obsession with healthy eating and having the perfect body have led people to abandon the enjoyment aspect of food. I was so happy when you mentioned the Intuitive Eating book. I have been reading this recently, and it has honestly changed me. I am so much happier because I am listening to what my body wants and needs. And now I don’t binge on the whole bag of chocolates because I don’t judge myself or feel guilty for eating one or two or three. :) Along with reading this book, I am making so many more of your recipes because they are delicious and make me feel amazing! I dare say those one-bowl double chocolate cookies are some of the best cookies I have ever tasted.

    Anywho, just THANK YOU for what you do!!! You are truly an inspiration, and the food blogger world/dietetics world/world in general is lucky to have you!!

    P.S. I live in Columbus and just love Alchemy!

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  32. Love your post and your blog. I just started reading it but am totally interested in what you mentioned about plant based food to help chronic illness. Do you have any information you could share? Due to some stomach issues I am starting a very restrictive diet that I would love to hear more plant based diets and illnesses.

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  33. Great sentiments. Thank you for sharing them. I wholeheartedly agree that nutrition professionals have a duty to model healthy eating habits. And when I say healthy, I mean both nutritionally and emotionally. I just hope that I can raise my children to have such an amazing attitude towards food as your parents instilled in you.

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  34. Alexis… I LOVED every word of this! It took me 59 years, many diets and disordered thinking about food to finally come back to the basics…and it works. Please know that your blogs, your recipes and your wit have helped SO much on my journey. You are awesome and inspiring and I thank my lucky stars, fruits and vegetables that our paths have crossed. I will always be your fan…wherever it takes you.

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  35. Alexis, let me first say that you should be commended for your honesty. It is so rare to see a blog post written in the middle of a struggle — you usually see it written in hindsight of the experience.

    I got here via a link from another blog. I followed you on Instagram for a few months about a year ago, but once I realized that I had some serious food issues to confront, I unfollowed all of the food/RD blogs on my feed that were triggering, and yours was, unfortunately, one of them. BUT (and that’s a big but), I do not think you’ve done anything wrong. Scrolling back through your posts, I can see that you don’t promote the idea that you’re better than someone else who doesn’t eat plant-based, and you certainly never use scare tactics to get people to eat more veggies. I think you do a great job of promoting true health instead of weight loss and of showing that food is our friend. You are in no way at fault for the thoughts that other people have about food and their bodies, and if you continue to promote plant-based eating and label it as such, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

    However, since you asked for input about the effects of your posts, I just thought I would confirm that the labels on some of your recipes can be triggering for some readers, or at least for me, and that’s why I unfollowed your account last year and haven’t followed it back. Why can’t the “Vegan Apple Buckwheat Pancakes” just be called “Apple Buckwheat Pancakes” or your “Healthy Pasta Salad” just be a pasta salad? I do know that that sucks for marketing purposes, though, and I hate that that’s how blogging works. Again, I in no way think you’re doing anything wrong — it is a reader’s responsibility to ensure that their social media feeds are in their best interests. I’m sure there’s a lot of readers who don’t give the “vegan” labels a second thought.

    To be honest, for the past year, I’ve wished that I could follow your Instagram and blog because I think you’re an awesome dietitian and person, but it is MY shortcomings, not yours, that prevent me from doing so. You rock, and I really hope this doesn’t come off as harsh. Keep up the good anti-diet work you’re doing :)

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    • Wow, Margo. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment. I totally get having to identify triggers and get rid of them. Good for you for going through with it! In an effort to not sound like a totally annoying blogger, I’ll just go ahead and say that I call them “vegan” to separate themselves and make them searchable. If I didn’t, they likely wouldn’t come up when someone was looking for a vegan recipe. Essentially identifying that they’re vegan helps identify them in the shuffle. Same with “Healthy,” it’s just more searchable. Not the best answer but I’m all about the honesty :) Thanks again for being real, girl!

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  36. Hey Alexis. This is a fabulous post. I’d just like you to know that – although I did and still do struggle with disordered eating – I have never once felt any sort of “guilt” or “trigger” or “pressure” from your blog to eat “better” or “healthier.” I am no longer vegetarian, and never once have I felt like you are trying to push anyone else to be vegan/vegetarian/plant based. In fact, it wasn’t until I read this that I remembered you were vegan… that just goes to show that you present your blog to focus on eating whole, real foods but never dictate any sort of title or diet mentality. I’ve never once taken your advocacy for plant based eating as anything remotely close to fueling disordered eating. I read your blog consistently because of your obvious JOY in food – the tastes, the variety, the fun in it all – not because I feel like you are telling me to eat a certain way. You exude confidence and love for food, and that is what more dietitians and medical professionals out there need to do as well. All this jumbo is just to say – what you are doing – just as you are – is wonderful and you are an inspiration.

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    • Thank you, Cora. Your comment warmed my soul, for real :) I learned through this post that a lot of people think I’m vegan although I’m not. All of the recipes I post are vegan because I do eat 90% vegan but I do eat eggs and fish occasionally. I don’t buy dairy but it pops up at social events and restaurants here and there :) I want to be transparent and make sure people understand that I’m by no means 100% vegan nor do I aspire to be. “You exude confidence and love for food…” <---the ultimate compliment!!!

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  38. Thank you for this article. I love your perspective and your insight. Coming from a place where food was scarce I can see how that has impacted my relationship with food. I struggle with binge eating and it feels like I am so far from freedom. I look forward to living that life you speak of. One day finding that balance:)

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  39. Just stumbled across your blog and thought it was going to be ‘just another diet blog’. But this post made me so emotional; I love how authentic and loving this entry was. Going vegan again after years of being away from it and I feel so much good energy starting again after reading this. Looking forward to more. <3

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  40. Thanks for this. Two years ago I started working with a “holistic instructor” (she was not a certified dietitian) because I had a very slow digestion. She told me to go vegan, that was her advice. We thought a little bit because I was not against eating meat. Still, she is very thin and I tought she knew best. She did not. I end up having crazy sugar cravings and my relationship with food drastically changed. Although my digestion improved a lot, I lost my period and was very stressed. It took me a year of reading blogs, going to a certified dietitian, and stop exercising every day to return to “normal” and gain a healthy digestion. However, this experience also taught me how to balance life better, and not feel bad with myself or my body when I eat cupcakes on a weekday. Robin, Kylie, Rachel and you helped a lot.

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    • Thanks for that thoughtful comment, Ale. Going vegan is no easy task and it’s not always the answer. I learned through this post that a lot of people think I’m vegan although I’m not. All of the recipes I post are vegan because I do eat 90% vegan but I do eat eggs and fish occasionally. I don’t buy dairy but it pops up at social events and restaurants here and there :) I love those ladies you mentioned. Cheers to cupcakes on the reg! XO

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  41. This article is what I have been thinking for a while! I feel like there is always pressure to be on some sort of diet whether it’s vegan, vegetarian, organic or whatever it may be. But what if I don’t want too and I’d rather just have a healthy balanced diet and no restrictions? Especially because I have an unhealthy past with food, I’ve been trying to teach myself that I can have whatever I want, just in moderation – I have learned that restricting myself doesn’t work! I wish I could be a vegan or something like that but I just know that it wouldn’t be a permanent thing!

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  43. Wow 😳 amazing post. I just stumbled across your blog and I am so grateful that I did. I am in the process of recovering from a 15 year eating disorder (half my life)! The last few years have been much better but I feel like many I transitioned from Bulimia/Anorexia to an unhealthy obsession with eating extremely healthy and “pure” and feeling so much guilt when I didn’t live up to these high standards. Reading your blog gives me hope for a full recovery. That I don’t have to eat perfectly to be healthy and happy! Thank you friend ❤️🙏😊

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  4. […] her on here) for a realistic outlook on balance. Alexis Joseph at Hummusapein shared some real life thoughts this week that I can’t support enough. And Alexis retweeted this article that included a quote I am […]

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