I blog because I'm hungry and I'm hungry because I blog.
But really. I've been thinking about how amusing it would be to tell you guys how different life is on my side of the world. You see pretty pictures, yummy food, clean recipes, and some fluffy writing. But there I am on the other side trying to get coconut sugar out my hair while my not cheap camera is dangling a milimeter above the cream of broccoli soup that just so happens to be photographing poorly because it's too dark outside. At 11am. Oh the lovely life of a food blogger!
Let the confessing commence.
1. When you see me out on a Saturday night drinking a glass of vino, I want to talk about healthy recipe modifications about as much as you want to talk about filing your taxes. I eat, live, and breath food. Yes, I could talk your ear off about stuffing my face, but there is actually some substance to my life that doesn't involve eating. SHOCKING, I know.
2. My first name is Alexis, but I don't mind one bit when you call me Hummusapien. "Wait, are you the Hummusapien?" Hummusapien is like my alter-ego. The Sasha Fierce to my Beyonce. I think it's kind of funny. Whatever you do, just please don't call me Alexa.
3. I want to rip my eyelashes out when you tell me you substituted refined white flour for almond meal and that the muffins came out dry and disgusting. I do my best to hold in my frustration, but let's be real here. THOSE ARE NOT THE SAME THING. You just changed the recipe and blamed me for it tasting like cardboard.
4. The casual lunch pictures you see me post on Instagram are anything but casual. I probably took seventeen pictures, filtered the crap out of them, made half black and white because my hair looked bad, and then posted the best one. After I cropped it.
5. When you take the time to write a nice comment, it makes my day. My week. My month. Every comment that speaks to me goes straight to my mom and dad in an email with the subject "OMG I'm dying over this comment." Your supportive words mean much more to me than you'll ever know.
6. I get really, really jealous of other bloggers. Her pictures are so bright and clear! Her writing is hilarious! She's so purty! Comparison gets the best of me, and it's hard not to fall into that trap when I'm surrounded by such an incredible community of bloggers. But hey, I admitted it, and now I feel like 16% better.
7. I take thirty million pictures and you see approximately three of them. The three you see have been edited twelve times. And yes, my camera cost three car payments. Ouch.
8. When you leave an anonymous comment telling me you love my recipes but that I write like a three-year-old, I think about it all day long. I lose my appetite and feel really hurt, since I truly love to write and thought I was good at it. Then I eat some salted dark chocolate and get over it because you couldn't even leave your name.
9. When you see me at a social gathering, you don't have to feel pressured to ramble off the recipes you've made from my blog. You're by no means obligated to even mention the "H" word. In fact, I'd rather talk about the weather or something!
10. I don't eat cool food everyday. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to post "What I Ate Wednesdays" because lunch was an Amy's burrito and dinner was scrambled eggs. But then I post it anyway because that's real life and I know you can relate. YOLO.
11. I am obsessed with carbs. I don't eat balanced meals all of the time. Last night for dinner I had pasta with veggies followed by two big bowls of Love Grown cereal followed by popcorn followed by dark chocolate. Soooo.....balance?
12. I am technologically challenged. Have I ever told you that I have trouble turning the TV on? I take after my mother. The fact that I have a fully functional food blog is some kind of miracle.
13. Blogging takes an emotional toll on my life. Spending half of my only day off on this blog stresses me out sometimes. Then I remember that Hummusapien is the best thing that ever happened to me and I head to the kitchen and make banana bread.
14. While it may seem like I'm married to Humusapien and Alchemy, I'd actually love a hunky boyfriend that doesn't have a screen. Potential candidates can feel free to email me directly.
15. When you tell me that my little blog has made a difference in your life, I feel an unparalleled sense of fulfillment to which absolutely nothing else in my life can compare. I'll never stop loving you guys.
[Tweet "Admit it. You don't eat cool food ALL THE TIME. Confessions of a Food Blogger via @TheHummusapien"]