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    Hummusapien » Lifestyle » Life » When Life Feels Messy

    When Life Feels Messy

    Published Jun 27, 2016 · Modified Nov 8, 2021 · by Alexis Joseph · 37 Comments

    Yesterday was a very, very weird day.

    kebabs

    I planned on getting a lot done this weekend, like always. Then those blessed two days roll around and guess what the last thing I feel like doing is? Working!

    But we did get a lot done. It might not have been what was written on my to-do list, but we definitely did a lot of fun stuff. And isn't that what we're supposed to be doing? We walked to the coffee shop. We made pancakes. We went to the pool. We ate tons of ice cream straight out of the carton. We walked around Com Fest. We made Fiajita Tofu Kebabs. I got new tennis shoes. I had everything to be happy about!

    I thought I'd make a new recipe for today's blog post. Some really delish chocolate zucchini muffins. I had a plan to make Glowing Spiced Lentil Soup, a new veggie burger, fruit kebabs for Thursday's post, and maaaaaybe squeeze in the My Fitness Pal article I have due Wednesday. Then I got a call from Alchemy saying we were about to be out of bread and frozen bananas.

    It wasn't a big deal. I've gotten that same call many times before. It was very fixable.

    But I lost it.

    I started to cry. I covered my eyes and wrapped my arms around my knees and started to go on and on about needing to hire people, adjusting the schedule, second locations, all the cleanses being picked up this week, the blog posts due next week, the muffins I didn't make, the fact that I had next to no desire to go buy bread and even less of a desire to make the damn chocolate zucchini muffins.

    I wasn't crying because we were out of bread. I was crying because sometimes I feel anxiety wash over me in a very real, very suffocating way. I was crying because I know how it feels when stress manifests physically and I didn't want to have to feel it again. I was crying because I just really needed to feel the sadness for a second.

    So what did I do? I did what I had to do. I went to the store to get bread. By the time I got back home, I felt like I was going to throw up. Nothing bad had even happened.

    I don't have the answer, and I'm not looking for one. This post isn't about pity or advice or self-loathing. This post is me telling you that feeling less than great about yourself, about your responsibilities, about your purpose, about everything, is extremely normal. I really do believe that it's important to let yourself feel sad, even if it seems like there's nothing to be upset about. You have every right to feel it.

    I don't know the best way to deal with stress and anxiety. If I did, I'd write about it! I know it helps me to talk to the people I love. I also know that being productive, even though it's the last thing I want to do when I'm having anxiety, always puts me more at ease. To be honest, I know I'm the kind of person that would feel anxious no matter what. It's not just because I'm busy. We're all busy. I've heard "I don't know how you do it all" or "you should really take time for yourself." But neither Alchemy nor Hummusapien is going away. And I do take time for myself. That's not always the answer.

    Sometimes you have to accept that the things that matter most in life are tough. Really, really tough. Your job(s), your relationships, your sense of confidence and stability. Maybe it's more about finding the best way to deal with it (and it's different for everyone) rather than jumping to the conclusion that something's gotta give. Because I'm just not ready to give anything up. That can't be the answer for me.

    I wasn't planning on talking about this. I swear I had every intention to post muffins and say something funny about zucchini. But I love this space and I love you and I'm honest with the people I love. I guess my purpose in writing this is to be real and to make everyone who gets like this at one time or another feel a little less alone. I know what it feels like to be trapped by the things and people you're supposed to love.

    So I'm not really proposing a question or looking for an answer today. I'm just having an open conversation with you all about how tough it can be to feel low when you should feel high.

    I'm so lucky to have this space as my creative outlet and I so appreciate you stopping by even when my life is far less exciting than Flourless Peanut Butter Zucchini Brownies. Let's all be glad that today is a new day. I know there are many more brownies around the corner!

    About Alexis Joseph


    Oh HEY there! I'm Alexis Joseph, food writer, blogger, Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN), new mama, and co-founder of local restaurant group, Alchemy. I use my passion for cooking and wellness as fuel to help others ignite a more freeing and happy relationship with food.

    Learn more about Alexis!

    5 Secrets to Delish, Healthy Lunches

    Reader Interactions

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    1. Jisan Duke says

      December 22, 2018 at 12:59 pm

      Great post!
      Plos

      Reply
    2. Amber @ Madden Wellness Counseling says

      March 07, 2017 at 2:58 pm

      I could really FEEL what you meant in this post. I am much the same way. My perfectionistic personality gets the best of me. I think one of the things that has been most helpful for me in times when I feel overwhelmed, is to simply stop and ask myself, "What HAS to be done today? Right now? What's the worst that will happen if I don't get x,y,z today? What can wait until tomorrow or another time when I'm feeling more up to handling the situation?" There are obviously things that HAVE to get done today (like the bread), but sometimes the "to-do" list we make is what WE have assigned ourselves to do. And why?? I've learned that many times, laundry can wait. Dishes can wait. Organizing the Tupperware shelf can wait. There are LOTS of things I place on myself that I feel I SHOULD be doing, but the only thing I should really be doing is what has to be done and what I feel like doing in the moment. 🙂

      Reply
    3. Jessica Carbon says

      August 25, 2016 at 9:49 am

      I recently found your blog and I have to say, I'm absolutely smitten by it and this post makes me all the more smitten.

      Girl, we've all been there. Days are hard and people look at you weird when you're just sobbing in your car in the parking lot because you left your grocery list at home. Or...something like that hahaha. Anyways, I just wanted to say - I totally feel you. Obvs you're wonder woman for all that you do and we all are inspired by it. Even wonder woman needs a neck massage and for people to just not blow up her phone for one day. It's all any of us want.

      All the love! 🙂

      https://www.searedanshameless.com

      Reply
      • Alexis says

        August 25, 2016 at 9:52 am

        Awwww thanks, Jessica! I always forget about posts like this that aren't recipes until someone comments and brings it back to life. Glad to hear it resonated with you. XO

        Reply
    4. Alli O says

      July 01, 2016 at 8:38 am

      YES to all of this. I own 2 businesses (6 locations-5 of which are seasonal-2 of which are new this year) and have felt like this way more often then I care to admit. It's so overwhelming and sometimes I just need to let my emotions show through and let myself break down so I can pick back up and keep moving forward. It's not an easy road that's for sure but the hope is that one day all the work and stress will be worth it. Hugs and good vibes-keep your head up, you're doing the best you can and that's all anyone can ask for!

      Reply
    5. Ashley @ Fit Mitten Kitchen says

      June 30, 2016 at 7:37 am

      Anxiety is a shit storm, and it is seriously sucks. These past few months I've had my fair share of feeling anxious and terrible half of the time. Taking little breaks help, but all in all it does help to just keep moving forward, like you said. Know you are an inspiration to so many 🙂

      Reply
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